Love Help for Valentine's Day: Romantic Ideas on How to Fix a Relationship

Anxious about Valentine's Day because your mate is still mad at you? Certainly, you are not alone in that boat. Many couples are probably having a "lovers' quarrel" at this time. However, instead of worrying, why not do something to resolve the problem?

Here are some romantic ideas to help you rekindle your intimate bond for Valentine's Day:

Other people may have already used a text message, a Facebook shout out, or a Twitter message to break up with someone, but when you want to fix a relationship, it is best to set aside social media or anything that has to do with the Internet or computers. Get down to the basics. Write with a pen!

Compose a poem, a song, or a letter to your significant other. If you do not know how, then research for materials on creative writing. You can use either online or library resources for this purpose. Perhaps, through this self-help crash course, you would know what to write in the end.

Be original though. Do not even attempt to change the lyrics of a current pop song. Just be you and pour out on those sheets what you want to happen. Be honest with your feelings. Shun away your pride and tell your mate that you still want to be with her/him in spite of what happened.

When you are done with your poem, you can record your own voice as you recite it. It can be part of the surprises that you can do (Read #2). If this is a new experience for you, you will most likely be nervous about doing it. However, Dirk Cysarz et al. (2004) report that reciting poetry has healthy benefits. While you rehearse, visualize your mate smiling as s/he hears your voice.

Doing something creative is worth the try. Love, after all, enables us to do crazy things.

Have you ever thought of sending your mate a bunch of flowers with a fruit basket or a stuff toy or a box of chocolates or a singing telegram? You can even hire a musician or a choir to serenade your special someone. If you are in a long distance relationship, you might want to send a care package with a love letter instead.

According to Modern Mom, "The element of surprise helps keep a relationship fresh" (2007). Regardless of your gender and sexual orientation, surprises composed of either unusual but pleasant presents or one's favorite things can help make things better. You may also do things for her/him that you know would make her/him happy. These may include:

• cooking her/his favorite dish(es)
• cleaning the house
• posting love quotes or original love notes on anything that your mate regularly uses so s/he can read them
• buying her/him a pet or a book of her/his favorite author
• treating her/him to a fancy restaurant (or even giving her/him a piece of jewelry)
• arranging for an out-of-town or out-of-the country weekend trip
• singing and recording your "relationship anthem", together with a video or slide presentation of your moments together (No indecent videos please.)
• getting involved in her/his favorite charitable cause

Unless your partner has already decided to break up with you, doing any of these surprises may inspire your partner to spare time to talk to you and hopefully settle your issues.

You have probably heard of marriage proposals done in concerts, TV shows, baseball games, or theme parks where so many people witnessed such a special moment. You may choose to do the same or to do it in private instead.

Try to coordinate with the manager of your lover's favorite actor or actress or singer or with whoever else s/he likes. You can then ask that person to call and tell your partner how sorry you are and that you want a second chance. If you are already married, perhaps a marriage counselor or a priest or a close family friend can arrange for a couple's retreat for you. Indeed, it is another form of surprise but this time, you are asking other people to help you deliver the message.

In The New Freedom of Forgiveness (2000), David Augsburger cites five R-steps to mend a broken relationship:

• Restoring the attitude of love - emphasizes the importance of accepting one's mate as a whole or "to see that person as full of worth and precious regardless of any wrongdoing."

• Releasing the painful past - involves regaining one's freedom from the past and "to accept the past as past". It is best to "accept another...as the person she (or he) really is".

• Reconstructing the relationship - underlines the need to "recognize the genuineness of each other's intentions". This stage recognizes as well the need to experience "anger and pain in reciprocal trusting and risking". Forgiveness should be given when it is sought.

• Reopening the future - entails embracing what may or may not happen. Forgiveness pertains to "the mutual recognition that repentance is genuine and that right relationships have either been restored or are now achieved." Sincere regret is a key element in forgiving a loved one.

• Reaffirming the relationship - highlights the beginning of "a new meaning" to one's relationship as a result of releasing one's pain.

Making a relationship work is not easy. It goes beyond physical attraction and being together only when the sail is going smoothly. If you are serious with your relationship, you will do what it takes to strengthen it. You will also respect personal boundaries and non-negotiable values that your partner holds.

Depending on the nature of your mistakes or whatever it is that has caused a deep misunderstanding between you and your lover, it is best to assess the situation first, reflect on your own, and decide what you want to happen with your relationship.

If you really love your partner, learn to forgive and forget more than 70 x 7. Otherwise, set the record straight instead of leaving in silence.